5:24PM, Aug 21, 2009
And now, the end is near.
But the housemates are far from facing their final curtain, with explosive arguments and life-changing epiphanies running rampant.
How an epiphany runs, we're not entirely sure, but we're going to go out on a limb and suppose it's a merry skipping motion.
Merry skipping motions being just one of the rather non-jolly events occurring in the house this week when the housemates received a whole batch of magazines for the latest task.
Yep, as part of Big Brother's not-at-all calculated challenge, the gang were entrusted with producing a Big Brother magazine using recent glossy mags for inspiration.
As the group fought over a chance to read just what has been said about them since entering the house, they were given a rather cutting taster of what to expect when they hit the outside world.
WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF THE Z-LIST CELEBRITY!
The arrival of the glossy mags brought excitement, terror and tears in that order. Sophie ended up angry and upset over comments made by now ex-squeeze Kris in an article that rather unfairly suggested she was pregnant.
Instead of whole-heartedly backing either one of the precarious answers, Kris coyly (read: pathetically) said: "A gentleman never tells."
Sophie rather understandably got a little narked: "If he's there when I get out I'll say, 'You've got some p***ing cheek, you f***ing grease monkey." Well said.
Hilariously, Bea's indignant horror at finding out her nickname is 'Bonkers Bea' (which we think is fairly tame, considering) was met with absolute antipathy by the other housemates.
Bless 'Tim nice-but-dim' David, who sat down with 'Nasty but... no no, she's just a muppet' Bea to discuss tabloid cruelty and how the majority of what's written about 'stars' isn't actually true.
Despite the somber realisation that the press tends to tell the odd porky here and there, the gang genuinely seemed to enjoy the task, with Lisa in particular showing surprising delight at receiving the mags.
Lisa the anti-establishment anarchist has a soft spot for Heat. Who'da thunk it?
Foody Arguments
Bickering has exploded in full force this week, with even the most minor of infractions drawing the wrath of a selection of housemates. And it seems it's not only Charlie who's suffering from McDonalds withdrawals.
First up we had Marcus and Rodrigo moaning about chicken nuggets. In a classic case of 'student flat sharing', Bea (what a shocker, she's involved) went to cook chicken nuggets but found there weren't many left.
Of course, Marcus and Bea began spouting righteous arguments for the careful cataloguing of each foodstuff, but Rodrigo piped up that Marcus had no right to tell people how to eat if he's the one that's continually breaking the rules and restricting the amount of food they're entitled to.
Does anyone else just imagine the Itchy and Scratchy theme tune when Bea, Marcus and pretty much anyone else gets together?
They whine, they snipe,
And whine, and snipe, and whine,
Whine, whine, whine,
Snipe, snipe, snipe,
The Beeeeaaaa and Marcus Show!
It seems that, like most men, Charlie's mood is directly proportional to his hunger. So he too ranted and raved after finding a jar of mayonnaise had been left out of the fridge, going so far as to write a warning on the fridge door in make-up (not his own).
The Lying Game
As per usual, it was this week's nominations that truly threw the argument cat amongst the pacifist pigeons.
Bea, Marcus and David were nominated for Friday's eviction, and David was quick to take umbrage at Bea's bare-faced lying.
She Who Shall Not Be Named (what? We'd rather get on Voldemort's bad side than hers) had previously told David that she hadn't voted for him.
In a feat of deduction that would have left even the love child of Sherlock Holmes and Carol Vorderman perplexed, David soon figured out her lie and told Bea that whilst he knows it's a game, she could at least be honest with him.
But while we hate to play the pedantic police, the whole process wasn't quite as clear cut as it may have seemed. As Siavash and Sophie refused to nominate in the Diary Room, Big Brother decided that the first two people Siavash came into contact with would be his nominations (Bea and Sophie) while the first two names Sophie said would count as her choices (Rodrigo and Bea).
You what?!
And so we come to the end of our weekly run-down, and it's time for your regular dose of the flippant/bonkers news from the last seven days.
First up, we have Bea's confusion over Stevie Wonder, admitting she didn't know that one of the greatest ever soul singers was blind or black. We love a bit of naivety in our BB stars, but Bea's really going for it in the wake of her comments that Prince Phillip is dead and that Science Fiction is the reason for all of society's ills.
Mensa'll be queuing up.
Best of all though, is former housemate Angel's declaration of her intent to enter the Eurovision Song Contest. No, you're not going mad. She's definitely Russian, but she's put out a public plea to garner votes from UK residents to support her application.
You know what though? If Jordan can do it, we certainly wouldn't put it past Angel. And wouldn't Graham Norton's commentary be ace?
Find out when Big Brother is next on TV.
