12:08PM, Jan 23, 2009
Hello - are you still with us?
Good on you if you have lasted three weeks of watching Celebrity Big Brother, the final is now upon us.
This year, the producers can breathe a sigh of relief as there was no huge scandal. Yes, Coolio got a bit over-excited with the ladies, but other than that, there was nothing worth muttering about at the water cooler.
And therein lies the problem - it's all been a bit, well, boring.
Page 3 girl Lucy Pinder didn't get her boobs out, Mutya Buena walked, and Michelle Heaton couldn't even fake a 'showmance' with Ben Adams to liven things up. Hardly edge-of-your-seat TV, eh?
Ulrika Jonsson reckoned as the only surviving female housemate that she's 'doing it for the sisters'. Oh really? Frankly, she's the kind of sister who would nick your boyfriend. She's been out for herself from the start and has not displayed any sisterly gestures towards the other women. Not genuine ones anyway.
Even Coolio noticed her wry smile as La Toya was evicted. He said: "She was happy to see he go. She really was. Her face lit up."
Ulrika's admitted herself that she's doing this show for her family (bringing home the bacon) and with the reported £175,00 fee she is earning, that's a whole lotta bacon.
Come To Nanna
We're shocked that the former boy band singer Ben Adams has made it into the final. He's a dullard. From what we've seen, all he's done is swan around with his jacket on (collars up) scarf permanently on (is it cold in the BB house?), singing annoying little ditties to himself.
Even Ulrika has commented on his lack of, err, everything. She said: "I've never known a lazier or slower person. How he made it to 27, I have no idea."
When he had a conversation with Coolio about the most attractive housemate, they both agreed that it was La Toya. Ben said :"She's beautiful." The 25 year age gap wasn't a problem apparently.
So it was fitting that he had to kiss a granny during yesterday's task. No not Ulrika. At first Ben joked it was the most action he'd had in weeks, but after recovering from his smooch he told the others: "I think she tried to slip me the tongue. I'd usually go for them a bit younger!" Ewww.
Terry Sweats It Out
We heart Terry Christian. He's been a breathe of fresh air amongst the heavy stench of celebrity ego. Upfront and game from the start, he's really taken the whole thing with a pinch of salt and we think he'll leave the BB house with his reputation in fairly good nick.
His fall out with Ulrika (he thought she was high-handed) came about from his honesty and he's stayed true to himself.
Tezza's been popular with the viewers too, and he's nipping at the toes of Verne Troyer as 7/2 favourite to win.
We did retch though when he had to lick an overweight man's armpit after a workout. Yuk! We're not sure he'll get over it either: "It was proper sweat wasn't it. It was rancid."
If you remember what punters had to do on his show The Word (drinking vomit anyone?), you'll agree that Terry finally got a taste of his own medicine.
Is That A Winning Laugh?
Verne Troyer has been the favourite from day one, and to be honest he's been fun to watch. We've heard him talk movingly about how he won't live 'til 50, his friendship with Heath Ledger and what the dwarf community really think about him.
He's a bit scary when he gets drunk, but his costume-dressing antics (Endless Love) have had us in stitches and with that he looks like he might have the contest in the bag.
Coolio Has Been Souper
Who would've thought we'd be watching a Grammy-nominated rapper, sit in a bath of soup, dress up as a car, don 80s lycra work-out gear and generally provide a fair amount of entertainment for the nation?
Coolio's time in the house hasn't all been fun and games, there's a side of him which has been fairly unpleasant, but let's face it - the house would've been an even duller place without him.
He's had the best lines, the best facial expressions and if he was to win, he'd really be having the last laugh.
Take a look at the final five's best bits from their time in the house.
Find out when Celebrity Big Brother is showing on TV.
