12:18PM, Aug 28, 2009
Sniff.
A moment please in remembrance of the soon-to-be-departed Big Brother.
That's right, after a whole decade of voyeuristic charm and shockingly tasteless stunts, 'The House' will officially be closed as of next year.
But enough about all that morbid doom'n'gloom. In an eery example of the collective unconscious, it seems the housemates suddenly realised the end was quite literally nigh and embarked on a lunatic week of breakouts and randomness with reckless abandon.
Well, if you're going to go out, you might as well do it in style.
Ten years on the job may have produced a savvier and more patient Big Brother, but it certainly hasn't bred a more clever one.
In a classic case of 'be careful what you wish for', Big Brother informed the housemates that they were "boring" and should "do something interesting."
After some classic giggly whispering from Charlie, the gang mischievously skipped out to the garden, with a predictably reluctant Rodrigo hesitantly bringing up the rear.
As the excitable chuckles rose to a crescendo, the entire gang bolted through the garden door and into the camera runs. As a number of bemused (and frankly terrified looking) camera-people tried to capture their manic escape plan on film.
Marcus scarperred up a ladder and managed to sandwich himself in between the ceiling and floor, while the rest breathlessly reconvened in one of the task rooms.
With the adrenaline subsiding, Charlie twigged that they might actually end up getting punished instead of congratulated for their impromptu Great Escape.
How right he was....
And The Winner Is... The Recession!
Yep, no sooner had the gang calmed than Big Brother told them they were all being severely punished for their cheeky petulance.
Rather than the old 'you're all nominated' / 'go sit in jail for a bit' wrist-slapping, Big Brother sensationally informed them that the prize fund for the eventual winner of the show had been reduced to zero.
They'd be getting nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch.
Which is a bit harsh considering they were asked to "do something exciting." It's like asking Kinga to strawpedo. What do you really expect?
Either way, it was great entertainment and easily provided one of the highlights of the season.
All Is Not As It Seems
But what came next arguably came close to matching it.
While the majority of the housemates reacted favourably to the lack of prize money (except Rodrigo who rushed to the Diary Room to argue the point), Big Brother decided to offer each of the housemates the chance to win back some of the prize money they'd lost in exchange for a personal sacrifice from each.
Siavash was targeted first and, more specifically, his most treasured possession - his wardrobe.
Big Brother informed him he could win £10,000 back if he agreed to hand over his every material possession in exchange for a uniform that he would have to wear of Big Brother's choosing.
But Siavash - being the chameleonic fashion buddhavista that he is - decided to rock the leotard in as manly a way as possible. Even with heels. And you know what? It worked (the Siavash Mankini hitting stores summer 2010).
Marcus, however, told Big Brother exactly where to go when they asked him to give up his ponytail for prize money. In a series of delicate, dainty and altogether lovely four-letter expletives, Marcus made it clear that he would cut off his ponytail for no man.
Dappy To Win?
And so, we close with our traditional dappy rundown of the week's best muppety soundbytes.
With Bea gone and David strangely quiet, it's been left to Sophie to dazzle us with her impressive array of naive nuggets.
First up she spent a good five minutes quizzing Siavash and Rodrigo on where exactly clouds came from, and whether the cloud she was looking at in the BB garden could have originated in Australia (bless).
Best of all though, was the moment she questioned Rodrigo over whether George Bush was the King of America.
But - bizarrely - her head in the clouds attitude seems to be currying favour with the public vote.
What do you think? Are you already making 'dappy to win' placards?
Find out when Big Brother is on TV.
